The Culture Wars Won't Tell You Who You Are
There's something exhausting about the culture wars — and I don't think it's just the arguing. It's the way the arguing never seems to end.
No matter how many debates you win online, no matter how clearly you define which side you're on, there's this nagging feeling that doesn't go away. If anything, doubling down makes it worse.
I think I know why. And it has less to do with politics than it does with identity.
When the Label Becomes the Person
Watch how political and cultural conflict actually works. It's not really about policy most of the time. It's about belonging. It's about who you are — or at least, who you need to be seen as.
Political affiliation increasingly defines not just your policy stance, but your personhood. (AMC-SGPS) People aren't just voting differently. They're building their sense of self around an ideological identity — and then defending that identity the way they'd defend their life.
That's a problem. Not because the issues aren't real. They are. But because when you locate your identity in a label — conservative, progressive, religious, secular, whatever it is — you've handed the keys to your sense of self over to something external. Something that can be challenged, mocked, voted out, or canceled at any moment.
And so the fighting never really stops. Because it was never really about the issue. It was about protecting a self.
Collective Ego Does the Same Thing Individual Ego Does
I spent a long time in institutional religion, and what I saw there didn't look that different from what I see in political culture today. There were in-groups and out-groups. There was virtue signaling — ways of publicly demonstrating that you belonged. There was a sharp line between us and them, and crossing it cost you everything.
What I eventually figured out was that none of that was actually about God, or faith, or truth. It was about ego. Specifically, collective ego — the kind that forms when a group starts defining itself by its enemies.
My book's framing says it plainly: "The ego needs its enemies and defines itself by them." That's not just true for individuals. It's what happens in movements, tribes, and political identities. The more you need the fight, the more your identity depends on it.
And when your identity depends on the fight, you can't afford to stop fighting. Even when you're exhausted.
There's Something Underneath All of That
Here's what I kept coming back to in my own life, and what I hear from a lot of people navigating these years: the label isn't actually you.
Your political views, your cultural identity, your group affiliations — those are real things, and I'm not saying they don't matter. But they're not the core of who you are. They're roles. Temporary expressions. The same way "husband" or "worship pastor" described what I did for a season — until those things were gone and I had to figure out what was left.
What I found, and what I think a lot of people find when they slow down enough to look, is that there's something underneath the labels that doesn't change when the labels do. Call it your core self. Call it presence. Call it the part of you that's watching all of this unfold — the political chaos, the social pressure, the endless scroll — and is still, somehow, there.
That's not a passive thing. It's actually the most stable ground you've got.
What Happens When You Build There Instead
When your identity is rooted in something external — a group, a label, an ideological tribe — it's fragile by design. Every attack on the group is an attack on you. Every loss feels existential.
When your identity is rooted in something internal — in your own sense of presence, your own values, your own capacity to notice and respond — you can still hold strong opinions. You can still care deeply about real issues. You can still show up and do something about the things that matter to you.
You just don't need the culture war to tell you who you are.
And so the question worth sitting with isn't which side is right? It's: Where am I getting my sense of self from? Because if the answer is from out there — from a label, a movement, an ideology — it's worth taking a look at what's actually underneath that.
That's what Chapter 1 of my book From Reactive to Resilient is about. And I made a video walking through the core idea — including a short practice you can try right now. If any of this landed for you, it might be a good next step.
If You Want to Go Deeper
I made a video walking through the core of this idea — including a short practice you can try right now. It's Chapter 1 of my book From Reactive to Resilient, and it's a good place to start if any of this resonated.
If you'd rather start somewhere quieter, I have a free 20-minute guided audio practice built around the same framework. It's called the C.A.L.M. Method, and it walks you through the actual process of reconnecting with your core self — not just the concept of it.
And if you want the full picture — the research, the personal story, the practices chapter by chapter — that's what From Reactive to Resilient is for. It's available on Amazon:
